Hello, imaginary friend. Er, tulpa. No, freak. Sorry, I meant maze enthusiast.
How’re you doing today?
Don’t talk back. I’m tired, can’t hear you, and don’t care. It was a rhetorical question, really.
I just wanted to kick the conversation off, break the ice a bit, and keep on going. Speaking of going, (nice segue/segway, no? c:) I went away for a while, and wasn’t able to do mazes where I was.
Where was I? Jesus, for someone I can’t hear or see, you really are quite pushy! “TELL ME NOW,” you say? I never thought masochists were the demanding type, but alright, alright, I guess I do somewhat owe you an explanation.
I’ve been in the rotting, dingy basement of the UTF Consortium headquarters. It was voluntary, I assure you. I’m supposed to reassure you and say everything is fine. Which I will. :) I’m just fine. The beatings, floggings, and Chinese water torture was just part of some weird game. It totally didn’t affect my health at all. The concussion and broken ribs were because I ran into a door-knob. (Jeepers, aren’t I a clumsy gal?) And the mold coating the walls served to cure my asthma, and not worsen it in any way, of course. I’m fine. The experience was positive and enlightening.
From this enlightenment, I’ve learnt one thing– the Consortium doesn’t want anything to do with me, and they want me to stop making mazes, or something like that. Maybe they want me to pay them money..? Honestly, I think they were speaking Volapuk– I couldn’t understand a word. Well, except “vom,” which is Volapuk for “woman,” so I’m pretty sure they were speaking Volapuk. The tricky bastards.
Truly, the greatest form of encryption is a dead and obscure language.
EDIT: Ohh, I forgot to mention: This one is a labyrinth. You have to find your way to the middle, somehow. Good luck with that.
If you need some help, the answers are here.